SUP.

everyday i live with a slight anxiety of loving you. not with the fear of us being unfaithful to one another; but with thoughts of a day where i would have to say goodbye to you forever. my life since ive met you has felt like my favorite rom-com that i never get tired of. yes theres days where you frustrate me, just like im sure that theres days where i do the same to you; but at the end of the day we always circle back into forgiving each other and understanding our love is so much bigger than the silly things we get riled up about. you are a piece of me now. my heart is completely fulfilled and if i lose any bit of you; i’m incomplete. while the bad bitch in me feels like an idiot saying that i have to have you to complete me, its true. i watch these shows and movies about relationships and love, and connect with them so much but i also feel its at a deeper level. when tragedy strikes in my fictional features; i envision myself in the situations and i take it to heart because i could not imagine what it would feel like to lose you. ive definitely have had my share of losses in my little time on this earth; but if i were to ever lose you…my life would stop. and they always say, “well they would want whats best for you” or “they would want you to be happy,” yes that may be true but being with you makes me happy. i save everything of ours because all the moments are important to me. i dont even know why i’m writing this right now. we aren’t going through any type of rough patch or anything. we are deeply in love (yay!) and every day is a blessing. theres just days where sometimes i feel like all of this is too good to be true and i’m too lucky to have you and i’m just anxious with thought of the rug getting pulled from underneath me. everyday i just want to wash over you with a wave of my love and spoil you with kisses. and if theres days where i’m overly affectionate, its probably the days where i’m feeling scared. i loveee the life we have started to build together and our fur-son Koba. as we get older; picturing my future with you is so enriching while also thinking about all the time we’ve already been together and if i were to lose you; i wouldn’t even know where to begin to start over. if you are to ever find this or i share this with you; i love you so fucking much. 

back to making my disney shirts since we are going on friday because you bought us a weekend for my 29th birthday! yayy. 

i had just had a lot of emotions inside that i needed to express and vent. thank you. i love you.